How can you accept the way you are and change at the same time? You actually can, and, in the process, the changes become easier to accept.

We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.

• Carl Jung

Many times the modifications we seek to make in our lives are based on what we dislike about ourselves. We are deciding to alter our behavior based on anger, mistrust, disappointment or unfulfilled expectations. In effect, what we’re really doing is laying a negative foundation in order to build positive results. As we already have seen, negative energy attracts more of the same.

There’s no way you can go back and change the past. You can only look to the past for guidance toward the changes you’d like to make.

So, how can we do it differently? First, start out with a concept of living in the “now.” Things are what they are. Past mistakes are not something to dwell on. The fact that you know they are mistakes speaks to the fact that you are willing to use the experiences to avoid similar blunders in the future. Give yourself a break. It brings on a tremendous sense of freedom.

When you make your peace with authority, you become authority.

• Jim Morrison

Accept who you are right now. It will allow you to prepare yourself for personal growth based on the changes you want to make instead of the errors you don’t want to repeat.

By accepting your lot, you can clear the slate and prepare yourself for change. It’s an enormous relief to start all over again with a blank canvas. But, before you start painting, prepare yourself. Make every stroke count.

Change your thoughts, and you change your world.

• Norman Vincent Peale

You know, change isn’t always as easy as it looks. We are creatures of habit. We tend to fall into patterns. We gravitate to what is familiar and comfortable to us. Growth and change truly rattle our cage and take us out of our comfort zone.

People often struggle with change because they don’t realize how to change. We use our willpower in an attempt to force ourselves to alter our behavior. Willpower is not meant to be used for lasting change. It is a short burst of energy that’s difficult to sustain. Willpower is no match for the subconscious and its ingrained patterns of behavior. Using willpower to overcome an obstacle is like trying to knock down a locked door rather than search for the key.

As an example of the way your subconscious programming works, let’s compare it to an autopilot on a commercial airline. Your conscious mind is the pilot. You’re making the daily trip from Point A to Point B. The autopilot is set by the pilot. It is a trip we’ve taken so often that we don’t give it a second thought. The route is like one of our habits. For instance, maybe you’re used to coming home from work, grabbing a beer from the fridge and flopping down in front of the TV. But, now let’s say we decide to change, and instead of coming home to watch TV, you now want to go from work, straight to the gym. Let’s go back to our autopilot example. You decide the best new course is by going from Point A, in this case work, to Point C, the gym. But, unless you reprogram your auto pilot you may attempt to physically steer toward Point C, let up for just a second, and the old programming will take you right back toward Point B, the couch.

Our old habits and beliefs are ingrained into our brains just like a destination is programmed into an autopilot. Overcoming them takes a consistent effort. But, the payoff is huge.

Again, we see how the best way to change our behavior is to first change our thought process. For instance, don’t resist the urge to eat, but, begin to change the vision of ourselves from fat to thin.

EXERCISE

Please answer the following questions as truthfully as you can. In your journal, use each answer as a topic for further exploration. To each answer, ask yourself why? And, how?

1. What would you like to put in your past and keep there?

1. Name the top three things you would like to change about yourself.

1. What are the habits you have established to enable those undesirable behaviors to flourish?

1. Can you forgive yourself and accept who you are?

(Write the answer in a full sentence, e.g., Yes, I can accept myself.)

1. How would you reprogram your mind to do it all differently?

1. If your life was a blank canvas, what is the first object you would paint?