All too often we look at our self-image as static, as a fixed and permanent reflection of who we are. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most often the foundation of our self-images are formed early in life, mostly by our own experiences and accomplishments. But often we also received projections from others we admired and respected, and thus accepted and embodied their views us.

Typically our feelings of self worth begin as all encompassing love. When do we lose control? It is usually before five years old. Then we slowly adapt as angry parents, jealous friends or unfortunate incidents intrude. Our precious little minds soak it up like a sponge, deeply internalizing. It’s not uncommon that an adult can be living an unfulfilled life, completely unaware that the real cause is a long-forgotten taunt tossed their way by a spoiled three year old. At some point, you have to choose to assume control of your self-image. You are the one defining and creating your ideal you. So now is the perfect time to reclaim our self-image.

Who doesn’t think a positive self-image is a good thing? Problem is that few of us know how to take control of the one we have. A self-image is merely a series of ideas impressed upon us over the years. It’s the way we see ourselves and think others see us.

Take a few minutes to really assess your self-image. How do you see yourself? Now put yourself in the shoes of your partner or close friend. How would they perceive you? What is the difference and why does it exist? Journal these thoughts and then present yourself with your five greatest strengths, the parts of you that are unique. Now assess your five biggest weaknesses. Write those down too.

Living in our own skins can make us immune to our own charms. We can also be blind to some obvious issues. But the key right now is to feel acceptance. Understand that of the 6.8 billion people on this planet, not one of them is you. Develop the endless possibilities that your greatest strengths present. Minimize your weaknesses in your mind. Make them small and insignificant. See them in your mind as styrofoam obstacles that you burst through. But surprise, the primary step for building your self image is to accept yourself just the way you are.

Change occurs when one becomes what she is, not when she tries to become what she is not. —Ruth P. Freedman

Next time we look in the mirror, promise to fully accept ourselves exactly as we are right now. By loving and allowing at a deep level, we remove the lid. We free ourselves to move and explore some of the other selves we always knew we had in us.

Ok, this sounds easy but will be more difficult than you think. all you require is a few minutes of alone time and a mirror. it is probably the same mirror where you check your appearance everyday, you watch yourself brushing your teeth, putting on make-up, or combing your hair.

Today you are going to see yourself in a different light. after a shower or bath, stand facing the mirror stripped of everything but the skin you were born in. present yourself not as you hope to be seen, but how you are. see your face. smile. recognize the way you are standing. let all pretenses melt away. look deeply in the eyes of that person staring back. in some ways the reflection will not look familiar. look past your skin to the light that emanates from all of us. remember some of the joyous times you’ve had. recall the challenges or disappointments. know that you and that image still have a long time together.

Understand that person looking back deeply. realize what you stand for, then say out loud: